"And it was disappointing, you know? As horrible as everything about it is, or sounds, there's still a part of me that wishes he were alive. Right here, right now, living and breathing like nothing ever happened." I paused, scratched my ragged fingernails across my flaking scalp, and took a deep drag on my cigarette. She watched as the ash lengthened, drooped, and came loose, exploding across my bent knee like a sack of sugar dropped off of the back of a truck. My own eyes were dead. "All so's I could kill him again."